Humor:

TEACHER ARRESTED IN NEW YORK

A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, the Attorney General Eric Holder said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. 'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Attorney General said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.' They use secret code names like 'X' and 'Y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.

As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'. When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, 'If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes.”

White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President. It is believed that the Nobel Prize for Physics will follow--

Further investigations have uncovered the extent of a diabolical plan - evidence now points that the plot has existed for several hundred years as Arab mathmilitants covertly began introducing the 0 to 9 numerical system gradually replacing the Roman numerals.

Although the decimal system is pervasive, a major struggle is now taking place between the Decimal disciples and the Booleans. Booleans maintain that only two inputs are required to generate a single output, and have created the binary code, with which they are using to take control the planet.

Fundamentalist groups, such as the Arithmeticians, still insist on memorizing multiplication tables.

Divisionists, on the other hand, claim that in today's reality of lower expectations we need to prepare to accept fractions of past totals as pushed by Additionists battling Subtractionists who claim less is better and the true path to salvation.